Old Spice

One of the most bizarre movie experiences of my life, second only to Eyes Wide Shut with my most conservative friend, was catching a 6pm showing of SpiceWorld with a bunch of my college buddies. Yes, I voluntarily attended. Yes, we were all surly, single dudes. Fortunately, we were gentlemanly enough not to respond to the "come hither" looks being sent our way by teenie-boppers, also known as jailbait.

What a long way I've come. The Spice Girls are on a reunion tour and trying desperately to ignore their current stations in life as mothers and re-capture their original careers as living Bratz dolls. I have learned that womanhood has little to do with gyrating hips, in S&M gear, in front of thousands of immature girls and boys. True womanhood is present in sweatsuited cleaning binges and long nights of nocturnal nursing.